I just really have to talk about Wilt Chamberlin… why he is in this movie is any body’s guess. The whole film feels as if they had 1/5 th the budget of the first film. The visual effects, when it is not just a man in a stupid-looking suit, are atrocious. Sort of the template for that mousey fuck brother character in Sommer’s wretched Mummy series. This time around Conan’s side-kick is a wise cracking pussy who eats jewels. In the first film, Conan’s love interest partner is a fellow thief, who while not as buff as Conan, is pretty bad-ass.
The Destroyer is just flat our boring and there is way too much comic relief going on. Oh, it is terrible! Wow, I watched this one and The Barbarian back to back and while the first Conan was a clunker, it had redeeming qualities. I assume they die, since they never get up. Reason being is that Grace Jones whacks people in the head with her stick. Not only that, but if Erich were reviewing this movie instead of me, he would only count about 40 deaths. Now, considering that the first Conan had 83 visible murders, it makes you wonder why they wouldn’t pump it up a bit more for the sequal. But, I’m telling you, even though Arnold walks around in his tight little underoos most of the film (it’s a comfort issue) Conan the Destroyer has almost zero homoeroticism. Yo! This is the least gay 80s Action movie of all… I’m sure even if the movie were like a more typical example of repressed 80s Action man-on-man love and desire, the very presence of Wilt “20,000 Women” Chamberlin would tilt the balance back towards at least bi-sexual. Entire Story in Fewer Words than are in this Sentence:Īrnold Scharzenegger and Wilt Chamberlin fuck no women. The most powerful legend of all is back in a new adventure.